Do:

Express your condolences

It can be difficult to find the right words to say to someone who has recently experienced the loss of a loved one. You don't need to be a poet. Simply expressing, "I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family," is sufficient. If you are unable to attend a funeral in person, sending a card or leaving a message on a memorial website is a meaningful way to convey your sympathy.

Dress appropriately

Times have changed, and dressing all in black for a funeral is no longer necessary, but wearing jeans and a t-shirt is not appropriate either. You should still dress nicely and modestly, avoiding bright or flashy colors. Aim for an outfit you would wear to a wedding or a job interview.

Sign the register book

The family will keep the register book as a memento for years. Make sure to provide your full name and your relationship to the deceased. You are also welcome to leave a message.

Give a gift

You don’t need to go overboard with your gift; it is the thought that counts. Suitable gifts include: flowers, a donation to the charity of the family’s choice, or a commitment of service to the family at a later date. A commitment of service can be something as simple as cooking dinner for them, offering to clean up their house, or any of the “little” things that may be neglected while a family deals with death. Make sure you provide a signed card so the family knows who gave the gift.

Keep in Touch

You might think that the family needs their space and time to grieve, but a simple phone call or note after the funeral lets the family know you care. With social networking, leaving a quick note is as simple as a click of a mouse. The months following a death is when grieving friends and family need the most support.

Don't:

Bring your cell phone

Please remember the following:

Your phone ringing would be highly inappropriate and would cause a disturbance. Turn off any ringers or notifications. Even better, leave your phone at home or in your car. A funeral is not the time to be texting or checking your messages.

Allow your children to be a distraction

From a very young age, children are aware of death, and if the funeral is for someone that was close to them (grandparent, aunt, uncle), they should be given the option of attending. If it is not appropriate for your child to be there, or if you feel they will cause a commotion, it might be best to find appropriate care for them for the day.

Be afraid to remember the good times

Funerals are obviously a time of grieving and mourning, but remembering the good times helps with the healing process. Sharing a funny and appropriate story is acceptable, and in some cases, it's exactly what the deceased would have wanted.

Overindulge

If food or drink is served, don't over-do it. Remember that you won't be the only attendee. If alcohol is served, limit yourself to one or two.

The Funeral Directors Who Care

Funeral Etiquette

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